Keeping Affairs to Yourself

Have you had an affair recently? Before you act all astonished that I had the audacity to ask and before you launch into a long-winded self-righteous response filled with offence and exasperation, let us be sure you understand me clearly.

Featured imageI think from my initial question you are of the opinion that I am suggesting you have had an affair. You know, cheated. Well as a matter of fact, I am. (Yes, I said it). What I want to know is if you have done it (again) recently, within the last year. Still can’t believe I asked? I still can’t believe you think you are innocent. Because believe or not, you have had an affair. At some point. Disagree? Let’s call a truce. Perhaps if we better understand each other, we can mutually agree, I am right.

In order to establish that you have had an affair at some point, we will first need to determine what an affair is. How silly, since we all know what an affair is already. Do we?

In layman’s terms an affair is cheating, two-timing, being unfaithful, having a fling, a little hanky-panky on the side, messing about, or (my personal favourite) ‘ringing a horn in someone’. But in more definitive terms, having an affair is having an amorous or intimate relationship with someone other than the person you are (already) in a committed relationship with. So, if you are having an intimate need fulfilled by someone other than the person you are with, you are cheating. With me so far? Because the meat of the matter here is that you don’t need to be having sex to be having an affair. (Aha!) And that right there is how you just got caught.

We all want different things out of relationships, but some of the basic things we are all looking for, are more or less the same. This must be true or otherwise we would all still be single. So let us cover some of the basic necessities. And while we are at it, let us look where your relationship’s needs are being met. And at who is really meeting them.

Like Super-glue (or a Paris Hilton Weave) – Bonding / Time

First things first, in order to be in a relationship we are going to need to relate to each other. That means we are going to have to get to know each other and then we have got to bond. We will talk and spend quality time, and chat about and do just about anything and everything together. In the early stages of relationships this is easy. It is when you have been together for awhile you have to work at this. Date night helps. And don’t forget to do the little things like leave ‘I love you’ messages in your partner’s hand bag or briefcase. Above all, keep talking to each other.

But with all the ways we stay socially connected, Facebook, chat-rooms, Facetime (and so on), if we are not careful we can easily spend more time talking to other people than we spend talking to our spouse. Worse still, you can easily build relationships with special ‘friends’ who share a common interest. And before you know it, you have got another relationship blossoming in the left wing.

If you take a moment and think of who you chatted with most in the last 30 minutes, (smile) and if that person you just thought about, (who made you smile), is not your partner, you have started cheating. You have started the basic cultivation of a relationship with someone else. Sure, that relationship may stay right where it is, in the ‘safe friendship’ zone, but if you continue to nurture it with time and build bonds, it can take a very different direction.

“well, there were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded – Diana, Princess of Wales”
Cathy Lowne, Speeches That Changed The World

Feel Good Factor – Emotional

Your relationship should fulfil you emotionally. The person you are with should be the person who effortlessly and always makes you feel good, feel good about all kinds of things and mostly, about yourself. He or she should be your bowl of favourite ice-cream on a hot day and when you are with them, it should seem as if suddenly (even if briefly), all is right with the world.

When you have a bad day are you still turning to your significant other for comfort? If instead you are logging on and laughing up with someone else, you are probably not on the right track. That emotional fulfilment is coming from elsewhere and ‘elsewhere’ may not be where you want to be.

Who’s Your Daddy? – Nurturing / Protection

Remember the night you came home from work and vented to your spouse about that so-and-so no-good dimwit you work with, who did such-and-such and really ticked you off? And your loving protective partner’s reply was ‘that fool did what?’. And then without them needing to say another word you instantly felt better. Remember? That was because you knew that person had your back. We need that. We need to know the person we’re sharing our lives with, will be in our corner and that they will be supportive, encouraging and sometimes appropriately inappropriate on our behalf.

This is one trait that is best revealed with time. As the relationship progresses you’ll know how protected and secure you feel with this person from their repeat performances.

If your go-to person has shifted, you have already invested time and emotion on the outside. You should understand by now that you have got a nice little affair going, but if you are looking to keep the relationship you are in from being on the out, this is a good place to stop and just cancel your subscription.

There Is Only One Usain Bolt – Priority Status

Your partner should be your number one person, the priority in your life that demands and receives the majority of all your best. Your investments are banked here, with this person. They come first, all the time, every race. They receive the most of your time, affection, love, protection, support, care, all of it.

And when I say all, I mean it in a sensible way. Who wants all of your day time but none of your night? It must be balanced, although we do recognize it has to be fair to all involved. Here by all, I only mean two of you.

If your partner receives most of your time and most of your support but the least of your flirtations, you still fail. Grade F. So if you think that just because you and your ‘friend’ are not rolling around in the proverbial haystack (yet), it means exchanging those hot and spicy texts is not a problem, think again. You’re just one step away from making your affair a legitimate reason for a class-action suit. And if Tiger Woods can’t win, neither can you. You catch my drift.

The Barry White CD – Sexual

Let’s be frank, your partner has to fulfil you sexually. You can decide how much you need in that area to make it work for you. But if it isn’t working on some level, fix it. Fast. Because if you don’t, you have opened the door wide for your new ‘friend’ to become your new improved ‘friend’ with benefits.

After the first sexual interaction with the other person, (the other person being the one you are not in a relationship with), you know without a doubt you are having an affair. Usually this key point is where most people recognize they have gone astray.

The sexual affair is commonly considered ‘the affair’ and they are some who will challenge that everything before sex, is just foreplay. We will get back to those critics in a minute.

As we have all come to learn from the whole Bill and Monica saga, (Clinton still rocks), loose definitions of sex will come back to haunt you. So to clarify when I refer to having a sexual affair, I’m including all the fun and even somewhat sketchy types of sex. Oral sex, penetration, phone sex, text sex, chat sex, if one (or both) of you climaxes from it, in my book sex occurred. Clear?

And for those of you who think that as long as sex is absent, you have not done anything wrong, I say only this. If that were true, the global divorce rate would be a whole lot lower. Instead, divorce is suspiciously high. Because it seems that even in the absence of sex, your sordid emails, texts, messages, photos and whatever else was uncovered, still hurt. It seems your partner can still end up broken-hearted, when they did not actually catch you in the act.

“He wasn’t yours to get hurt by. He was someone else’s and you knew that, so why are you offended? What right do you have to be hurt when you were a part of the deception (lying by omission)?” ― Donna Lynn Hope

Think of if this way. If the roles were reversed and the person being cheated on was you, at what point would you no longer be comfortable? Would it matter less that your parter is involved with someone else if no sex occurred? Or would somewhere inside tingle a little, would a little sleep be lost, would a meal or two be missed, from the first too-long phone call in the middle of the night? In other words, when it’s happening to you, when exactly to you define the start of the affair?

So did you have an affair recently? Ok, I concede, there’s a chance you haven’t. But I’m pretty sure that now we have talked about it, you have had one at some point. It’s okay though, keep your affairs to yourself. You don’t have to tell me. After all, I’m sure not telling you.

and one for Me

I had fresh doughnuts for breakfast today. Two of them. Both topped with milk chocolate frosting. One drizzled with white chocolate icing and the other heavily drenched in multi-colour sprinkles.  Delightful. Since I was already on a roll, a cup of caffeine-free green tea was out of the question, so I had a Coke. Then, I skipped yoga, stayed in bed and watched ‘Enchanted’. Do I feel guilty? No. Fat? No. (Well, not yet.) Lazy? Not at all. In fact, I felt full, rested and privileged as I sang along with Giselle (a little off key).  Today was not about what anyone else thought about what I should be eating, drinking, doing or not doing. This day was mine. Today I had a love affair with myself.

Sometimes it’s nice to take a break from all the other relationships around you and work on your relationship with you. You put all that effort into other people, but once in a while, put equal effort into yourself. It’s not selfish. Love never is. So love you for a bit.

For one day, let it all go. Eat, drink, do, or not do as much or as little as you like. Have doughnuts and Coke for breakfast and overpriced lobster and very aged red wine for lunch. Of course, you’ll have ice-cream for dinner. (What else?) Find funny shapes in the clouds. Watch a musical and join in on the dance routines.  Feed the birds. Go barefoot. Wonder. Laugh. Be well.

I’d love to stay and chat for awhile, but it’s my day remember? We’ll do you tomorrow. Hugs.

There’s A Con In Our Conversation

So you’ve met someone. Not just anyone, someone really special. Someone you believe you can wander through this crazy maze of a world with, who will help you to make sense of the insane and share the wonderful, the worrisome and the weird with you. It’s a lovely thing.

And then, all of a sudden, out of the clear, blue sky, that person you met becomes the person they are and the two aren’t the same person. You have been deceived. Swindled. Tricked. Conned.

It’s the fault of our elders really. Our parents and grandparents and teachers and mentors aren’t honest with us from the start. Between the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and the wide world of Disney, by the time puberty kicks in, you’re as confused as a cat in a dog fight. Nothing is really what it seems, if it’s real at all. The Tooth Fairy was Mum. Santa Claus was Dad. (Sorry. I thought you knew by now). And that frog in the backyard won’t become a prince no matter how many times you kiss him. (I should have told you sooner). Even the clear, blue sky I referred to earlier seeks to betray you. Surely the sky cannot be both clear, lacking in color and blue, a primary color. (Hmm.) You see the con begins from early.

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In the relationship, the con starts from that very first conversation. When you first said hello you used your best Marilyn Monroe, or Barry White impression. Because we know you don’t really sound like that. You laughed at their jokes, which we know aren’t really funny. You praised your boss, loved your neighbor’s dog and said your tennis level was just a ball shy of a Williams sister. You twisted the truth a little. You bent it. You lied. Call it what you like, that’s what you did. And don’t bother to tell me you didn’t because that would be a lie in itself and only prove my point.

It’s ok though. No harm in it. (Or so they say). Because once you got to know each other and the love started to bloom, it all worked itself out. The little twists and bends straighten themselves. And later when your real tennis skill level is revealed, your little white lie becomes something you’ll both recall and laugh at when you meet mid-court by the net. Those initial and little fibs are not a big problem, just don’t keep them going. If you’ve been in the relationship for awhile and still can’t say what those shoes really cost, or where you really were at 3am, you need to rethink what you want from the relationship. Flat out. But later, when you know each other, it’s not so much about what you said. Oh no. The real problem by now is what you don’t say. (Ummhmm). That secret you’ve been keeping. This, is the real con. What you don’t say in the conversations. And if you keep on keeping that secret, that beautiful future you’ve been building for two, can end up fit for one.

Let’s set some boundaries. We’re going to need to clear up what a big secret is. Because let’s be honest with each other, some things you’re meant to keep to yourself. You’re not in the practice of doing anything to deliberately hurt yourself. Part of two becoming one, is that this person is now part of you, so you wouldn’t do anything to deliberately hurt that person either. I believe there are some things you don’t need to say, ever. This applies to telling your partner things about themselves which will hurt, but they can’t change anyway. In other words, you’ve highlighted a hurtful problem without a solution and neither of you is any better for it. For example, if his equipment (sniffle), is more weed-whacker (blush) than a 17 horsepower, 4-wheel steering, 2-pedal hydrostatic, rust-proof riding mower (cough). To me it’s not necessary to say, but this is where you (chalk in hand) need to draw your own moral boundaries, I’m not touching that one. (Pun intended).We’re talking the big stuff. The stuff that day time programming is made off. The ‘my credit can’t get me a loan for a pencil’, ‘I did drug rehab’, ‘it’s not your baby’, (Maury, you need a new punch line) and ‘I was born a male’ type of stuff. You always tell the truth about your sexual status, your sexual partners (how many, who is up to you), your sexual preferences, your finances, your expectations and ambitions, your recreational habits (the negative ones), your religious beliefs, your triggers (what turns you on and off, non-sexual) and your definition of family (4 children, 3 dogs, 2 cats and a pig).

Now while most people when asked will say they lie to shield their partner from hurt, but if you’re ever caught in that lie, the hurt you both feel will only be a part of the problem. You’ll then have trust issues to deal with as well. And by the time you add feelings of betrayal, (theirs), guilt, (yours), anger, disappointment and heartache (shared), you have got yourself one great, big, flushable, hot mess.

So what’s to be done? Surely I’m not expecting you to tell the truth? Well actually, yes.  If there’s any chance that secret can come back to haunt you, tell. (The whole truth?). That’s the idea. Out with it. You’ll sleep better. But since it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do, let’s see if I can help. (Ahem).

Before you open the closet, know why you’re coming out. You can’t undo hurt. So remember, if it’s not on the must tell list and neither person benefits from the knowledge, you may want to get a combination lock for the closet door and just leave it in there.

But once you’ve decided to share, plan ahead. You don’t want to drop the bomb just by the way. Know what you want to say and how you want to say it. Be prepared for all the follow-up questions that are sure to come. If you write it down, this helps some people, do not leave your note-pad on the dining room table by accident.

Location, location, location and timing has got to be right. This is all part of your planning. Don’t do it in a public place. It could turn into a disastrous embarrassment for you both. Choose a time when you both have clear calendars for awhile. Give yourself time to tell, time for you both to talk and time to determine the steps to recovery.

Be ready to give the other person space. Depending on how big the bomb is, that might be physical as well. It’s a dilemma you’ve brought to the table, so the couch is yours. Or the hotel room. Just don’t expect things to return to normal overnight. If there’s something the two of you enjoy doing together but alone (just the two of you), it may be a good time to do it. Hiking, fishing, tennis. But don’t purchase two first-class tickets and plan a second honeymoon as a surprise. This will not only invade the other person’s recovery period, it may cost you a good non-refundable penny if the other person doesn’t want to see you for bit.

Serve notice.  You didn’t plan the what, the where and the when only to slip up now on the warning. You’re going to have to let the other person know you have a secret to tell. Let them know it’s something major and when you want to have the discussion. Be ready to do it immediately if there is persistence, but if you can, and this is preferred, allow at least a few hours for the other person to be mentally and emotionally prepared.

In stressful situations we tend to improvise, don’t, stick to the script. At least in the beginning. Ask beforehand to be given the opportunity to explain everything in detail before answering questions. Talk to your partner though, not at them.

Now is not the time to cast blame, take responsibility. This will be difficult enough for your spouse without them having to hear that they caused the problem. So when giving that detailed explanation, remove all occurrences of the word ‘you’. There is a good chance that you will be asked who is to blame directly, think this through in advance and know what you want to say.

There may be expletives. Know in advance that you will be a pestilence spat up from the bowels of Hades upon the face of the earth. Or something not so creative but equally as harsh. Anticipating this in advance will help you not to be surprised when the onslaught begins. And there will be an onslaught. But try not to retaliate or cast blame. Remain calm. Don’t argue. This will be their time to vent. There is a lot of confusion, hurt and anger and any retaliation on your part will hamper the resolution.

Have your suggestions for how you plan to move forward ready. What are the resolutions. But, and this is a big but, you may not be able to fix this. It may take days, weeks, months or even years for full healing to occur. And sometimes, that healing never comes. Don’t expect the worse, love conquers all (I believe this and I’m a pessimist) but be prepared for it. That first-class ticket money may be put to good use with some professional counselling.  If all else fails, there’s ice-cream. Good luck.

The Silent Argument: and the Sounding Solution

There’s something in the air. It’s hard to describe but it’s there, hanging. Not dense like fog, you can’t see it. Not quite humidity, though you can feel it. You’ve experienced this before. You know what this is. But the name of it escapes you somehow.  Let me help. That uncomfortable, quiet thing, is tension.

You may or may not be able to pin point the exact moment it descended and settled over everything like a layer of fine dust in an abandoned room. This doesn’t matter. What matters is that you know it’s there. And that you understand if left untreated, it will fester.

You will first have to get to the root of the matter in order to kill this weed. You can come right out and ask what the problem is, but I suspect that you already know.  Somewhere inside you have an inkling that things went a little dishevelled when ‘x’ was said, or ‘y’ was done, or through some ambiguous combination of the two.  And now everyone is upset.

It hasn’t been said, oh no, who dares to whisper such a thing? But it is evidenced by the subtle changes in routine. The slightly louder slam of the drawer. The  erect back replacing the relaxed posture. The flame in the eye that belies the soft set of the mouth. And the overly polite exchanges where questions are answered in two words or less. This thing, this hot mess of unspoken annoyance, this, is the silent argument.

The silent argument is not to be confused with ‘I’m ignoring you’, ‘I’m not in the mood’ or ‘I’m unimpressed’.  In the middle of argument there sits ‘u’ and ‘me’, so if only one of you is affected, congratulations, you don’t have a major disagreement you just have a tiff. Fortunately  tiffs are easily resolved with flowers, or ice-cream. (Or new heels). But if you feel a duplication of annoyance with that pesky tension hovering, then an argument it is. And these need more than a little ice-cream to mend.

First you’re going to need to accept responsibility. Yes you. And before you start with the ‘it’s not my fault’ thing, let me interrupt to mention, no-one cares. If you want to fix things one of you has to be the bigger person. And since you’re the sensible one reading this, then it’s going to be you. Even if you really didn’t do anything, (as if), perhaps you (take note) could have managed your response a little better. Or something along those lines. Find that little loop-hole to get a conversation started.

Don’t know how to initiate the conversation? Schedule an appointment. Seriously. Tell your partner, I realize we’re having a problem and I want us to work this through but not with hot heads, can we have rum and Coke on the patio in an hour? As long as it’s not raining, you’ll get serious brownie points. (If you quote me you better give me credit).

Just don’t start with a question.  Questions are to be avoided. Especially ‘how long you plan to be vex?’, ‘so you don’t want to tell me what bothering you?’ or ‘why you still getting on stupid?’. These should be avoided at all costs. On the other hand, while sentences of expression are what we’re aiming for, ‘I see you still getting on stupid’, doesn’t work either.  Be gentle. Be honest. Be firm. Be fair.

Before you make a stew you have got to slice up the veggies, peel and dice onions, slice peppers and chop carrots. This is called preparation. And sometimes when you need to fix things, it helps to have a little prepping beforehand.  Especially if you think you’re likely to lose your cool. (I understand). Write it down. Make a list of what you want to say, what works, what doesn’t. Feel free to raise problems, but you’re going to have to be responsible, because if you raise a problem, you need to come ready with a solution. If you don’t have a solution, don’t bring it up.

Fight fair. Give your partner the chance to write their list out too. You won’t always stick to the list and having it doesn’t mean you’ll have a nice smooth discussion about everything. But in the moments when you do lose your cool or get a tad hysterical, the list will keep you grounded and on point. So be sure to keep referring back to it.

Let by-gone go bye. It’s hard. It’s really, really hard. But if you both dealt with it before and you both decided not to discuss it again. Don’t. Bite your lip if you have to, but don’t do it. It will come back to haunt you. Like that super hot chili you washed down with a glass of cold milk, it will come back and it won’t be nearly as pleasant. So leave it out. But if you really think it’s unfinished business, you should probably schedule a special session just for that one.

Hash it out, come up with solutions and kiss and make-up. Literally kiss and make-up. It’s the best part. You’ve aired your silent argument and had a good old-fashioned vocal one, do you feel better? You should. If not you may have deeper issues that you need to work out together, or separately, or with a registered professional. But that’s a whole other post right there. Otherwise, and most importantly, the tension should be gone and you should be breathing some crisp, clean, drama-free air. Inhale. Exhale. And get back to loving each other.

In Sickness

Traditional wedding vows. The beauty of rhythmic poetry combined with such deep passion and sincerity of heart in the most melodious form, as to make the even the hard-hearted shed a tear at the sound. You can decide whether that shed tear is one of joy, or if it be in condolence to the poor sods that utter said vows to each other. I go with the latter.  (You’ll recall I’m a pessimist). 
The good stuff mixed in there is pretty good.  ‘To have and to hold’, ‘for better’, ‘for richer’, ‘in health’, ‘to love’, ‘honor and cherish’, is quite frankly, some powerful stuff. And simply pretty, to boot. Makes you think of running through fields of daisies dressed in white to an Abba sound track. Like a fabric softener commercial. If this was the essence of marriage more of us would take the plunge, feet first and be it for the long haul too. ‘Till death do us part’, would be a breeze. But it’s not that simple. And for most of us, it’s always the other part of the vows that seem to be the reality. The not so good stuff. You know, the ‘for worse’,’ for poorer’ and ‘in sickness’ parts. 

So how do you take a whole lot of the not so good stuff and just a little bit of the good stuff and still make it till death do us part?  ‘In sickness’ is the key. 

‘For worse’ is guaranteed. There will be bad times, you expect that, but in those bad times be happy, because there are worse times ahead.  You’ll need to really remember those ‘for better’ times and hold firmly to those memories. Keep a journal if it helps. Better yet, turn those bad times into something good. It’s not as impossible as it sounds. Just look for the good in the situation and focus on that. One of you left the toilet seat up and the other fell in? What a wonderful time to spend the day at the spa for an invigorating body scrub. One of you lost a job and feeling a bit down about it? More time to spend having picnics at lunch. You get the general idea. This is the easy stuff of course, but if you break the harder stuff down into manageable portions, it can be just as simple. More or less.
Anna Nicole married for love. (Stop rolling your eyes, she did). So did you.  And so did I. Fortunately for her love came with a mansion or 4, limitless credit cards, a yacht, designer clothing, a walk-in shoe closet (shivers up my shine with envy) and some jewels here and there. For us, love just came. But make do best as you can. Work hard, save harder and spend wisely but willingly. Just don’t forget to save, you may need something to pull out your hat (other than a rabbit) for the doctor, when that pesky ‘in sickness’ part kicks in. But here is where we separate the men from the mice.
I was sick recently. Nothing major (or so they tell me, I felt quite rotten but I’m not the expert). And as far as vows go, to me nothing truly says ‘I love you’ like rubbing someone’s back while they throw-up. If you heaved at the mere thought, you’re probably single. (Now you know why). To me ‘in sickness’ is the ‘for worse’ of the bad. You can be broke and happy. It’s been proven. Ask me for details. But sick and happy, not really. When you can look someone in the face with their eyes all puffy and red, no mascara, snot around the nostrils, still kiss ‘em on the cheek and say ‘good morning gorgeous’, well then you’ve got this relationship thing nailed.  Some out there are wondering, is it that simple? You bet it is. (Thank me later).  Have, hold, love, cherish and rub my back with Vicks. Ahhh. Happily ever after…

Till Debt Do Us Part

Love is blind. Love does not see race, colour, weight, height, physical attributes, bald spots nor chipped nails. And love certainly does not see bank accounts. Well, not the ones in the red anyway.

But if you fall in love, get married, (or move in) and do the ‘happily ever after’ thing, bear in mind that money is a big part of the “happily” in your equation.

It’s important to be realistic when you’re getting together. Their money is your money and your money is their money. (Mostly). But it’s not that simple. Their debt is your debt… see how this is already going downhill?

Before you rush off and get joint accounts with matching cheque-books, lay your bills on the table and come up with a payment strategy. Divide it into short-term and long-term ambitions. You may find out that keeping your finances apart is the best thing for both of you right now, because if one of you has bad credit, neither of you will get a mortgage if you apply together.  You can always revisit this later once you are debt-free.

Once you’ve worked that out, look at your income (cheating is allowed) and expenses together and realistically. If Christian Louboutin’s are more important to you than your cereal brand, but your partner only eats Post yet jogging in something called Beebok isn’t an issue, you’ll need to work a few things out.  Remember, the compromises you make now, will be the fights you have later. So plan ahead. You already know your shoe brand is the centre of your being. Therefore, don’t compromise by agreeing to buy cheaper shoes. The sensible compromise is to buy shoes (gasp) less often. See where I’m going with this? If not, when you decide 4 years in that you want to spend big bucks on designer shoes, after looking cute all this time in the no-name stuff, it’ll be harder to win the you’re-wasting-good-money argument.

In this wonderful age of technology, everything is linked your credit rating. Including your outstanding rewind charges at the video store. I know you are trying to recall exactly what a video store is, (what’s a video?), but $23.85 + monthly interest can come back to haunt you both in 10 years. And if you never watched ‘Return of the Sex-starved Cheerleaders’, you may not want to pay for it. So, be sure to decide upfront what bills are ours, what’s mine and what’s yours. You may need to help each other along some months, but that’s part of being in love.

Your debts out the way, plan a saving strategy. Some experts tell you to do this first. Save now and pay your debts later. I find the ‘experts’ that recommend this usually don’t have debts. But go with what works for you. Either way, save first or save last, but save. You should always have something set aside for when it rains. Save together towards the things you want together, wedding, house, children’s college fund, a yacht, whatever. But there’s nothing wrong with saving separately too.  Your personal desire for new shoes with shiny, red soles, should not result in the cancellation of the family trip to Australia.

However, I don’t recommend saving separately in secret, unless your partner is a poo-head. And if they are, why have you even read this far? Break up already.

Saving is more fun when there’s a goal, so set some. One of the beautiful things about being in love is sharing your experiences with someone else. Splurge sometimes. Don’t look back and think of all the things you would do differently, occasionally just do them.  And remember to take photos, later when your choice in fancy footwear is being questioned and you’re trying to remember why you are with this person, those photos may help you hold on to the good stuff.

Let’s recap then. 

Love is blind. Debt can see you.

Plan ahead.

Avoid or get rid of debt.

Save. Goals make it easier.

Live a little. Love a lot.

And be happy. For ever after.

PS – ‘Return of the Sex-starved Cheerleaders’ is not a real movie. Stop trying to find it.

Extra reading: Unemployment doesn’t need your permission to happen, you may need help coping. Find and read all the posts with the Unemployment tag.