In Reply to Your Emails

I have been hearing from you since my last post, seems I ruffled a few feathers. Thank you for writing, I do appreciate it.

It seems we are divided by gender on the issue of the sexless affair, Keeping Affairs to Yourself. Males seem to believe it is all “fair play” and “harmless flirting” in the absence of sex. Females are prone to believe that “from the time (your partner) starts calling (the other person) first thing in the morning and last thing at night, it’s time for the earrings to come off and the (tool used for weeding) to get beat down”. That was, by the way, one of the best emails I have ever received.

But one person did raise a great point in the form of a question (worth $500 on Jeopardy). Was I “trying to suggest there’s no such thing as a platonic friend?” I was not at all. (Shame on you!) But since you brought it up, let’s address it, shall we?

Usually the person you are dating is smarter than you give them credit for.
Unfortunately, not always, but usually…
That means we usually know the difference between your genuine platonic friend and your pretend platonic friend, that you’re secretly hoping to get lucky with. That’s right, we sure do. Real platonic friends are the best. These are encouraged. But the fakers have got to go.
One of my friends described the platonic friend as “what happens when someone likes you but they are unattractive”. Laughter aside, it is possible to have friends of any sex that are really just your friends. Some of them always have been and always will be. We can’t say the same for our romantic partners. Therefore it’s important not to let your past romantic relationships interfere with your current relationship. And as long as you keep things on the up and up, they shouldn’t. But Chris Rock said (I’m paraphrasing and deleting the expletives), the platonic friend is really a back-up plan, the ‘break glass in case of emergency’ option for when your current relationship fails. If this is closer to your description, then you may have issues in the future. And that’s all I’m saying about that.

To those of you who “love the blog”, who are “inspired”, “tickled pink”, “ROTFLOL” or are even “not sure what to say in the comments because it left (you) so emotional”, thank you.

To the one guy who thinks I wrote ‘Breaking –up beautifully. 10 Easy Steps’ just for you, I did. Glad things went smoothly. (Glad for you that is, not her.)

And to everyone who follows, officially or unofficially, keep reading, keep sharing and keep loving out loud.

and one for Me

I had fresh doughnuts for breakfast today. Two of them. Both topped with milk chocolate frosting. One drizzled with white chocolate icing and the other heavily drenched in multi-colour sprinkles.  Delightful. Since I was already on a roll, a cup of caffeine-free green tea was out of the question, so I had a Coke. Then, I skipped yoga, stayed in bed and watched ‘Enchanted’. Do I feel guilty? No. Fat? No. (Well, not yet.) Lazy? Not at all. In fact, I felt full, rested and privileged as I sang along with Giselle (a little off key).  Today was not about what anyone else thought about what I should be eating, drinking, doing or not doing. This day was mine. Today I had a love affair with myself.

Sometimes it’s nice to take a break from all the other relationships around you and work on your relationship with you. You put all that effort into other people, but once in a while, put equal effort into yourself. It’s not selfish. Love never is. So love you for a bit.

For one day, let it all go. Eat, drink, do, or not do as much or as little as you like. Have doughnuts and Coke for breakfast and overpriced lobster and very aged red wine for lunch. Of course, you’ll have ice-cream for dinner. (What else?) Find funny shapes in the clouds. Watch a musical and join in on the dance routines.  Feed the birds. Go barefoot. Wonder. Laugh. Be well.

I’d love to stay and chat for awhile, but it’s my day remember? We’ll do you tomorrow. Hugs.

In Sickness

Traditional wedding vows. The beauty of rhythmic poetry combined with such deep passion and sincerity of heart in the most melodious form, as to make the even the hard-hearted shed a tear at the sound. You can decide whether that shed tear is one of joy, or if it be in condolence to the poor sods that utter said vows to each other. I go with the latter.  (You’ll recall I’m a pessimist). 
The good stuff mixed in there is pretty good.  ‘To have and to hold’, ‘for better’, ‘for richer’, ‘in health’, ‘to love’, ‘honor and cherish’, is quite frankly, some powerful stuff. And simply pretty, to boot. Makes you think of running through fields of daisies dressed in white to an Abba sound track. Like a fabric softener commercial. If this was the essence of marriage more of us would take the plunge, feet first and be it for the long haul too. ‘Till death do us part’, would be a breeze. But it’s not that simple. And for most of us, it’s always the other part of the vows that seem to be the reality. The not so good stuff. You know, the ‘for worse’,’ for poorer’ and ‘in sickness’ parts. 

So how do you take a whole lot of the not so good stuff and just a little bit of the good stuff and still make it till death do us part?  ‘In sickness’ is the key. 

‘For worse’ is guaranteed. There will be bad times, you expect that, but in those bad times be happy, because there are worse times ahead.  You’ll need to really remember those ‘for better’ times and hold firmly to those memories. Keep a journal if it helps. Better yet, turn those bad times into something good. It’s not as impossible as it sounds. Just look for the good in the situation and focus on that. One of you left the toilet seat up and the other fell in? What a wonderful time to spend the day at the spa for an invigorating body scrub. One of you lost a job and feeling a bit down about it? More time to spend having picnics at lunch. You get the general idea. This is the easy stuff of course, but if you break the harder stuff down into manageable portions, it can be just as simple. More or less.
Anna Nicole married for love. (Stop rolling your eyes, she did). So did you.  And so did I. Fortunately for her love came with a mansion or 4, limitless credit cards, a yacht, designer clothing, a walk-in shoe closet (shivers up my shine with envy) and some jewels here and there. For us, love just came. But make do best as you can. Work hard, save harder and spend wisely but willingly. Just don’t forget to save, you may need something to pull out your hat (other than a rabbit) for the doctor, when that pesky ‘in sickness’ part kicks in. But here is where we separate the men from the mice.
I was sick recently. Nothing major (or so they tell me, I felt quite rotten but I’m not the expert). And as far as vows go, to me nothing truly says ‘I love you’ like rubbing someone’s back while they throw-up. If you heaved at the mere thought, you’re probably single. (Now you know why). To me ‘in sickness’ is the ‘for worse’ of the bad. You can be broke and happy. It’s been proven. Ask me for details. But sick and happy, not really. When you can look someone in the face with their eyes all puffy and red, no mascara, snot around the nostrils, still kiss ‘em on the cheek and say ‘good morning gorgeous’, well then you’ve got this relationship thing nailed.  Some out there are wondering, is it that simple? You bet it is. (Thank me later).  Have, hold, love, cherish and rub my back with Vicks. Ahhh. Happily ever after…

I do

Love. – noun: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. So says But it’s much more than that isn’t it?

It’s that funny feeling in your stomach, kind of like one too many prunes, but not quite. That lightness of the head, quickening of the heart, the removal of all sense and reason. A constant smile, a soft sigh, a burst of laughter. Irrational, illogical and ecstatic. Ready to throw-up yet?

Before you get the wrong idea, yes, I’m a pessimist. Oh I believe in love just like most of you. I do. It’s the length and sincerity of it that I question. It all starts off ok. Person meets person, they date, laugh, eat a few meals together and before you know it, fall in love. Sensible ones stay there but others get carried away. You know what I mean. Get engaged, plan a debt, I mean wedding, they get married (if it’s legal where you are), put an aquarium in the living room and rescue a dog. It’s beautiful. Stay with me now, cause this is where reality sets in. And then after that first blissful year, farts ain’t funny no more…

Don’t let me discourage you. Fall in love! Go for it. Just be aware that “till death do us part” might be a longer time than you think. 

It isn’t a bed of roses and if anyone tells you it is, remember that roses still need pruning to stay pretty. In other words, it takes work. And lots of it. 

But other than that, if you like the flavour of Pepto Bismol, waking up at random hours of the night with the sheets gone, find your own company boring and you think the person you are reading this to, you can’t live without, my friend, marriage is for you.